i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
