please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
