Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize