It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
