Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
