Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think I died a long time ago.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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