im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I would ride that face into the sunset
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
