Plan B is the new Plan A
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
