"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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