so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
