I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
