just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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