yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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