So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That was before I lit my hair on fire
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
