oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
