pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
