bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
