Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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