I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
