Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
