that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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