Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
