You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just had sex on a roof
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
