Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize