The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
