You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
