i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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