if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
