I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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