is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
