I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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