she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
