i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize