Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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