Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
