apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
