its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
