So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
