I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
