Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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