No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
