I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My life is pants optional.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
