It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize