I wish I could teleport
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
