My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
