Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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