I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I supernannyed him into submission
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
