I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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