so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
