His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
