Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
