I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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