Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
