Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
