me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
