i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want her autograph on my taint
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
