I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
