We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
