Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
