I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
