I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
