The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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