im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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