i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
