If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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