You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize