i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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