if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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