i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize