Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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