Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
