If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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