When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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