Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
