Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
