Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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