woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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