You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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