why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize