i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
