Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
