Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
