I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
