So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
