Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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