Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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