He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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