how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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