Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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