the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
