I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
