Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
