you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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