So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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