I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
