theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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