we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
