Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
