Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
