I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize