So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
