i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
