Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
