I would go down on you faster than GM stock
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
