I will die if light touches me.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
