I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
