She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
